Earlier this week I experienced what was probably the roughest day of the year so far. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened - I mean, no ridiculous parking tickets, I didn’t spill coffee all over my jeans and there weren’t any BBM battles over which friend was ignoring whom. No, all of those had happened earlier in the week, but I suppose it was the accumulation of it all that resulted in that remarkably shitty day.
At the forefront of this little mess was once again (sorry) the issue of my job search. 2010 was markedly the year of trying to make things happen remotely for myself. A long distance relationship, international job search, training for overseas competitions, traveling for magazine articles, desperately saving to go abroad, and so on.
It’s been a bittersweet 12 months and to be honest, it didn’t end the way I had expected it to. I kept setting what I now realise were unrealistic timeframes for all my projects. “In a month Ill get my website up and email every international media organisation my resume and a showreel and a minutes plan of how I’m going to take over the world,” and other like scenarios.
Now although there’s nothing wrong with setting yourself ambitious goals, reaching for the stars and all that Care Bear crap, there is plenty wrong with not giving yourself credit for what you’ve already achieved and more importantly, who you are.
In speaking with a confidante that day about my feelings of dissatisfaction, I realised that I’d been going about things the wrong way. Despite all that sets me apart from the crowd (no pretentiousness intended), I was actually trying to blend in. I suppose it’s part of this pack mentality we’ve all got embedded into our systems, trying to keep up with the seemingly successful crowd, adjusting to current trends. And all the while, I didn’t realise that I’d begun to lose myself in the process.
In doing so, I had stupidly become just another number rather than the person with that extra edge that I and hopefully by now, also you know that I am.
Although it’s only been several days, I feel like I’ve already reached a new level of clarity regarding where it is that I need to be with my life. I’ve spoken plenty about where I’m from, the languages I speak, the places I’ve lived and the experiences I’ve enjoyed in my life, and I know, someone out there, be it in the UK market I’ve been desperately trying to tap into or the regional Gulf market that doesn’t seem to listen, will recognise that I’m not just another sheep in the flock.
With enormous regret for absolutely having to state the following: 2011 is going to be a great year. With a potential, positive job change ensuing and a genuine look into moving onto greener pastures (English ones hopefully) I’ve finally come to terms with how I can change my life. Only I can do it, and relying on anyone else is dumb. Seriously. That is my morsel of wisdom.
I’d like to leave you with a final thought, one I came across when Googling - like the emo kid that I was earlier this week - ‘being yourself.’ This was my favourite result:
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no-one alive who is Youer than You.” - Dr Seuss